3/12/21 : Fish Dinner Lockport Legion Post 18

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First Bike Ride in 2020; Monday 3/8; The first time in over 4 months! The best way to ride is downhill with the wind behind my back, if you ride back the same way you came from, this philosophy only works about 50% of the time. Nobody showed for the 3/12/21 Fish Dinner so I decided to go on a bike ride, I only averaged 10 MPH on a 12 mile jaunt, (pretty lame) some frogs were out singing, I honked one of my many horns at them, but they kept on “croaking” anyway. It was 53 degrees F, not bad, This bike ride was on the Centennial trail 135th street, going North where it’s paved, no mud. My knees were creaking from non-use over the winter, amazing how out of shape I became. I rode by the World’s Biggest Odoriferous compost pile, the highlight of any bicycle trip. Not very crowded

 

 

On 3/9/21 (before the Scholarship Meeting) I finally got to see 2 of my Grand-kids, which hasn’t happened in over 3 months, thanks to COVID. We went to the Brookfield Zoo; It was very enjoyable, I taught my Grandchildren all about the various animals to which we observed; things like; Porcupines, favorite color is yellow and they always loose there library cards; Penguins are very good at turning left and like Polka Music; Hippopotamus’s have a hard time finding Sunglasses that fit and enjoy watching Popeye cartoons. Skunks are Wondering “Where Are The Elephants?” Even a Pachyderm would be nice” (there’s no elephants at Brookfield Zoo) Kangaroo’s always say “excuse me,” after they sneeze and they like playing Bingo. Camels snore real loudly when they’re sleeping and they rather not wear a hat. The last known time a Zebra was seen eating Cotton Candy was in 1857. Alligators cheat at cards, but are pretty good at playing checkers. Bats don’t like painting or hanging wallpaper. Ducks can’t play the Tuba, Lions like there Spaghetti with extra Garlic; Chimps only go shopping on Wednesdays, Grizzly Bears like syrup on their Pancakes (I think you get the idea, amazing how much stuff I know about the animals at the zoo, my Grand-kids will be as smart as me someday).

Surprisingly only 50% of the people at the zoo were wearing masks, Safe distancing was observed at the zoo, the number of people at the zoo was about 2/3 of it’s pre-COVID population. My daughter yells at me for not taking enough COVID precautions and they’re she is walking around the Zoo while half the people weren’t wearing masks and I’m the only one that’s been totality COVID shotified! Now there’s Dinosaur statues everywhere at the Zoo, I think I was scared more than my two Grandchildren, normally I would make growling noises to scare the pants of my Grandchildren, around the Dinosaurs, but I couldn’t because I was talking too much about the animals they’re likes & dislikes (as mentioned previously). About 4 years ago they also had Dinosaurs there, but they were lame, the new ones are more realistic. At $8 for a beer I stuck to drinking water. Making faces at the monkeys never gets old.

Ace Reporter, Tommy

3/9/21: Scholarship Meeting

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At Panero Bread, Elk Grove Village; we met early because Panero changed their hours to close at 7 PM, we met to “rate” Chicago-land’s tall scholars they were all pretty much viewed a bunch of “smarty pant’s,” applications. Later after reading a bunch of applications I was cross-eyed and wished I had a beer. None of the applicants told us how many detentions they got or how many times they got suspended. No mention of Senior Ditch Day (a famous holiday). I wonder how many of the applicants drive old clunker cars? I never had a car when I was in High School, (and cars were invented by then). I rode my bike everywhere, so my date for the prom had to ride on the handlebars. When I was in high school a kid blew up the Chemistry lab by mixing Red Phosphorus with Potassium Chlorate, which made the 6 O’clock news on TV. I had a lot of fun with that one. Once we were making gun powder and my explosive buddy Bill hit a pile of it with a hammer, which blew the hammer right through the roof of his Dad’s garage, later his pop was wondering how come he had a hole in his roof, he never did find that hammer. You can no longer buy these chemicals (or any of the “good ones) like yesteryear when companies that sold that stuff was listed at the back of Popular Science Magazines as “Chemical Warehouses,” which is where I got my chemicals to blow stuff up at. The past terrorists put the kibosh on that.

Ace Reporter, Tommy