Wonderful Bike Ride 7/11/2020

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Perhaps the bike ride wasn’t so “wonderful.” Unfortunately, the rain put the “kibosh” on that part of the event. The after-party was attended to by three people, Jean and Pat C.h, and yours truly “Ace Reporter.” By the time Jean and Pat arrived, it stopped raining. It was great seeing them, and hearing about their COVID-19 experiences. I didn’t catch COVID-19 yet, so I was limited to talking about the time I had the hiccups; a common alcohol-related malaise. 

Pat said, “We both have bicycles, but we never ride them. They’re hanging on the garage wall. However, we still get great exercise and physical benefit from them. We use Osmosis (thinking about bike riding), plus it saves on wear and tear on the bikes.” I said, “I used that technique in high school; when I did my homework, it saved on wear & tear on my brain!” During our visit a hummingbird flew by. 

I bragged about my yearly bike riding activities; Jean and Pat didn’t seem that intrigued about having a bicycle honking demonstration on this occasion for some reason. 

We sat on the patio as we talked about our misadventures during our “troubled youth.” This included Nuggies, Indian Rubs, Wet Willie’s, Wedgies, Atomic Wedgies. They knew of one I never heard of, the “Canadian Handshake,” which was truly impressive. 

In high school, in the cafeteria, we used to punch a hole through the lip of a chocolate milk carton, when the individual we were “pranking,” wasn’t paying attention. Then as the victim drank the remaining milk his shirt unknowingly became saturated with milk. This resulted in a stinky shirt as the milk soured during the remainder of the day. It was the old ”sour milk on the shirt,” gag. We all bragged about all the detentions we got. Now when we get caught doing some malfeasance we just get “fired.” 

Wearing the mask part of the pandemic is fun because it allows me to scare little kids at the store. 

We had plenty to eat. I told them about my grandchildren and how I was teaching my oldest grandson Theo (5 years old) about the fly in the ice cube gag, hand buzzers, snap gum, bug-eyed glasses, and the sneeze whistle. I’m older now and have money with access to the internet. I can buy all this wonderful stuff. 

COVID-19 is making my visits difficult, my daughter says, “Maybe that’s a good thing.” 

After Golf Pizza Party -Unscheduled 7/6/2019

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Attended by five crazy guys; Walter, Marty (Ad Hoc Tall Club President) Al, Dave S. and yours truly (Tommy C.). Dave S. “missed” the golfing event because he fell asleep at work and nobody woke him up! He said his boss was out of town He did make it to the golf/pizza party. 

“Side Job Marty,” says he’s going to the poor house, rewiring toasters, fixing Christmas Tree Lights, Installing Door Bells just isn’t cutting it, “I like to live a lavish lifestyle,” said Marty. The key to Marty again making megabucks from the 134 Electrical Union may be the reinstalling of the Chicago Trolley system. Less pollution, quieter buses, and more money. “I could be on Easy Street if they put the trolley system back in.” Another way Marty could make some money would be to install an AC unit at Milanne’s. 

Al, another attendee, could possibly be a new Tall Club Member, plus he likes telling jokes. Lots of limericks were told; they are always hilarious and insulting. We were telling plenty of jokes and talking about the “Man Show,” and how they could never show that stuff on TV like they did yesteryear. No Eric, he’s retired and swinging on ropes in Arkansas. We miss his lively banter.

Fantastic Bike Ride 6/27/2020

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Only two people showed up for this “not to be missed” event. Tall Club Wannabe my sister, Linda and yours truly Ace Reporter. Hot, clammy and muggy, we chose to go on the Brookfield Zoo trail. It’s a 13.5 mile jaunt and it’s mostly in the shade. Like always, I performed plenty of honking in true Tall Club fashion (there were only two of us, but we made enough noise for 20 bike riders!) It wasn’t that crowded on the bike trail due to the humidity and temperature, which eliminated “fair weather bike riders.” It was downhill all the way so it was easy pedaling. 

In the news, they said that the Zoo would be partly opened (for zoo members only). When we rode past the Zoo parking lot though, it was completely empty. The rain the night before drove up the water level in Salt Creek. We saw some Kayak’s full of Kayakitours. it’s always fun to throw rocks and honk at them. By the time they come to shore swearing like storm troopers we’re long gone. They can’t catch us. We saw plenty of squirrels, birds including a Cardinal, very few Cicada’s. No deer today either. There is lots of poison ivy everywhere; if you’re into poison ivy, the woods is the place to go! 

Due to the light attendance at this Tall Club Event, I didn’t cook up anything, not even a tasty deer burger. To commemorate this festive occasion I went to the American Legion; my sister Linda didn’t go, she’s not that big on getting drunk. I was all set to let loose with some knee slapper type jokes, however the bar was “packed” so I went outside. I don’t want to catch COVID-19. It cooled off. The mosquitoes were in force.

Coronavirus Creativity

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 by Amy Burkard  (to the tune of “My Favorite Things…)

Picnic and banquets

And drinking at gin mills

Biking and hiking and other such mild things

Getting a phone call (please give me a ring)

These are a few of my favorite things.

Baseball and football (the games are now on hold)

Dancing and eating away from own home

Taking the photos that all will hold dear

Hugging and kissing when we are all clear

These are a few of my favorite things

Meeting at Manny’s for business on Mondays

Shopping at Chicos and Macy’s in new ways

Wearing my dress clothes into the new Spring

These are a few of my favorite things

When the germs spread

When the work ends

When I’m feeling sad

I simply remember my favorite things

…And then I don’t feel…Soooo bad…

A Message from the President . . . 

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As you know, we had our first meeting last month face to face. It was good to see everyone. Maybe the world is getting better. As long as we keep our masks on and keep our distance we should be ok. Maybe in the future we can go back to slow dancing, and being human again. 

Here is what’s happening in the Club as of now. The Weekend has been postponed until further notice. It may happen in the Spring or early Fall or sometime in 2022. We can’t do anything until this virus dies off or a vaccine is made. But it will still take time for people to trust again. So we will see what happens. 

The other news is it’s time to start thinking about running for the Board. All of our positions are open, including mine. The Club is in good hands now and the future looks bright. For a club to move forward it needs people. Think about it. Even though this virus was tough on everyone, we all stayed together and talked. The Club and Board bought us together, and in this world you need all your friends. Being on the Board will open up your mind, and teach you how to listen, and respect other’s ideas. Much like life does. Think about it. If you are considering one of the Board positions, go for it. If you make a mistake so what. Give it a shot, try it. It’s fun and interesting. I did and liked it. 

John